Every unconscious thought/drive (UT’s) has a set of possible conscious thoughts/urges (CT’s) that may bubble up, some are more likely than others depending on the unconscious behind it. . . it follows that every conscious thought has a set of possible behaviors (Bx’s) that you may engage in, some more likely than others depending on what the thought is. . . and of course, every behavior you choose to engage in has a set of circumstances (Cx’s) that may be created, some more likely than others depending on the behavior(s) you’ve chosen to engage. Please make sure you understand this, at least in theory. It is very important in order to find flow.
When we become mindful of the choices we have, we are more likely to pick ones that are in line with what we really want (I have a post in finding what that is someplace else—I’ll link to it here soon). And what you want may change along with circumstances beyond your control (ie you may genuinely want to spend time with a special person, but a family member’s crisis may take precedence).
Ok, now I’ve touched on those confounding variables—the things that seem to be able to throw us off of our course. Again, it is the ability to flow that allows you to navigate these sometimes challenging decisions of what to do, and when.
Recap: Unconscious Thoughts==>Conscious Thoughts==>Behaviors==>Circumstances; those circumstances begin to be processed back in the UNCONSCIOUS MIND first, then to the conscious mind, and so on. . .
Change ANY of the levels (UT’s, CT’s, Bx’s, Cx’s) and you will find a way towards changing the others. Some changes are best started at the UT level, others at the Bx level; yet some others may be best by combining a Bx change in a certain Cx. Generally speaking, there is a way to seek active change at the CT, Bx, and Cx level while allowing the Unconscious mind to re-wire via the new experiences. The more you repeat them, the more the re-wiring extends into the depth of your brain (where the unconscious is).
So, as I’ve said in some other posts, ask yourself (ideally from the witness stance, vs from the ego) if what you are thinking and/or doing is helping you approach contentment, or get farther from it; in many circumstances, you will know if you are pulling the wool over your own eyes (this would be the work of our old friend, the ego) and moving away from contentment but trying to convince yourself or others that you are actually content . . . you’ll know, and eventually so will others.
Moving along, it is easier for many of us to engage in Contentment Approach behaviors when things are going well; but not so easy when things are difficult or painful. When we are in pain, we may be more of the personality type to effectively find thoughts/behaviors that return us to contentment, or of another personality type that becomes jaded, resentful, frightened, etc. in response to pain. When in the darker frame, it seems almost natural to do things that actually make things worse (like scream at the car that cut you off, then chase them and cut THEM off, wagging that middle finger as you pass by them). But what if shooting the one-fingered salute actually seems to feel better? Well, notice how it feels, then compare that to a time that involved joy and a light-heart (ie, what really feels better, waving the salute or watching your son take his first steps?).
Here’s the thing: the more you do the darker style behaviors, the more likely they are to re-occur because the pattern extends and feeds-back into your unconscious expectations/templates of how things are supposed to be—it becomes a habit; AND the more you do the lighter things (allow the person to cut you off, then maintain your integrity and composure, and thus your safety) the more habituated they become at the unconscious level too!! It takes about 3 weeks of mindful repetition for a new unconscious thought to begin to stick.
If you have read this far, then you are probably really ready to make some changes and are looking for not only how to deal with relatively smaller things like traffic, but also with larger life-changing pursuits (from attitude changes to existential realizations). No matter how complex or existential, etc. your goals may be, always have a place that you KEEP IT SIMPLE!! Remember that by practicing being nice, for example, in smaller ways, you are exercising your brain structures in a way that improves that probability that you will behave nicely in more challenging circumstances; and the more likely you are to be nice, the more likely you are to remain calm; and the more likely you are to remain calm, the more chemically receptive your unconscious and conscious minds are to healthy decision making, leading to more positive outcomes!!
This is nothing new, nothing that hasn’t already been said earlier in this blog, and by many, many other teachers over many thousands of years . . .the neurobiology may be new, but what those chemicals and neurons do is nothing new.