Extracting Rejection

Similar to Anticipatory Rejection, which happens before a situation occurs, one ‘extracts’ rejection after a something has already happened, and where the facts would show overt approval or acceptance. Usually, if there actually is rejection, mindfulness-based counseling will help you learn to not take it personally as the rejection is more about the other person’s tastes than about who you are.

I often use a food example to depersonalize this a bit: Think of a food you really dislike. Now, is there anything actually wrong with the food, or do your preferences just not include its flavor? If there is something wrong with the food, then nobody would like it, therefore, your dislike of any particular food is a function of your preferences, not a function of the food itself. So, if you’re an apple, and a person rejects apples, then the rejection is a reflection of their tastes, not a reflection about apples.

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Jonathan F. Anderson, LPC-s has worked in the helping profession since he started college in 1990. After completing his Bachelor’s degree at the University of Texas, Austin in 1994, he attended the highly-regarded University of Minnesota to earn his Master’s degree in 1997. He is a Licensed Professional Counselor and is recognized as a Board Approved Supervisor by the State of Texas Board of Examiners of Professional Counselors. Jonathan is a Gottman-trained Couples Counselor, and in 1998 received training by the International Critical Incident Stress Foundation in Advanced Critical Incident Stress Management & Debriefing. To learn more about Jonathan’s practice, click here: Jonathan F. Anderson, LPC-s.