When you are in a relationship whether it is dating or marriage, you cannot simply plug in major corrections after the relationship has been established for some time . . . you must take the time to work through any hurt feelings, anger and resentment. Then as you move forward re-establishing trust, you are able to see if recovery is possible, and most often it is. But not if you simply try to behave better and expect immediate forgiveness and normalcy.
Think of it this way: When you make a cake, if you go through the entire process and leave out any major ingredients, you cannot simply pour them on top of the cake after it’s done and expect it to be well-made and tasty. You’ll have to start over and add the ingredients as you go along; you’ll have to rebuild. Likewise, when communication has been toxic, trust broken, or respect and affection withheld, it is critical that you take the time to re-establish these dynamics. To rush into them will generally do more damage as it will appear as though you do not understand the gravity of the hurt the other person is experiencing. It may also appear that you are simply faking it long enough to hook your partner back in, then revert to old ways.
Learn more about Couples Counseling in Austin.
Jonathan F. Anderson, LPC-s has worked in the helping profession since he started college in 1990. After completing his Bachelor’s degree at the University of Texas, Austin in 1994, he attended the highly-regarded University of Minnesota to earn his Master’s degree in 1997. He is a Licensed Professional Counselor and is recognized as a Board Approved Supervisor by the State of Texas Board of Examiners of Professional Counselors. Jonathan is a Gottman-trained Couples Counselor, and in 1998 received training by the International Critical Incident Stress Foundation in Advanced Critical Incident Stress Management & Debriefing. To learn more about Jonathan’s practice, click here: Jonathan F. Anderson, LPC-s.