Relationships: You Cannot Bake the Cake then Add the Sugar

Wedding cake with "Love" written on it

Establishing a healthy and fulfilling relationship takes time, effort, and patience. When you’re in a relationship, whether it’s dating or marriage, it’s important to understand that major corrections cannot be made overnight. Trying to plug in these corrections without working through the hurt feelings, anger, and resentment can do more harm than good.

Think of it like baking a cake. If you leave out major ingredients while baking a cake and try to add them later, it won’t turn out well. Similarly, when trust is broken, communication is toxic, and respect and affection are withheld, you cannot simply expect to behave better and expect immediate forgiveness and normalcy. It takes time and effort to rebuild these dynamics and re-establish trust. Rushing into things will only make things worse and it may seem like you don’t understand the gravity of the hurt your partner is experiencing. It’s important to take the time to work through any issues and genuinely show that you’re committed to making things right.

Remember, the road to recovery is not always easy, but it is possible. By taking the necessary steps to rebuild your relationship, you can create a stronger, healthier, and more fulfilling partnership with your loved one.

Learn more about Couples Counseling in Austin.

Jonathan F. Anderson, LPC-s has worked in the helping profession since he started college in 1990. After completing his Bachelor’s degree at the University of Texas, Austin in 1994, he attended the highly-regarded University of Minnesota to earn his Master’s degree in 1997. He is a Licensed Professional Counselor and is recognized as a Board Approved Supervisor by the State of Texas Board of Examiners of Professional Counselors. Jonathan has completed Level-2 of the Gottman Method of Couples Counseling, and in 1998 received training from the International Critical Incident Stress Foundation in Advanced Critical Incident Stress Management & Debriefing. To learn more about Jonathan’s practice, click here: Jonathan F. Anderson, LPC-s.


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