If you want to be effective in your intimate relationships, your career, etc., you must learn to practice self care. It may seem paradoxical, but “benevolent selfishness” actually helps you be more present for whatever you are working on (job, relationships, etc.).
Think of it this way: if you want to give your friend a ride to the airport, you need to be sure you have put gas in YOUR car’s tank first. That way you won’t have to stop for gas and make your friend be late for their flight. . .or worse, miss the flight because you are stranded on the side of the road. Taking time to “fill your tank” is the most effective way to be effective with others.
How can selfishness be healthy? I typically get peoples’ attention with this kind of question. It’s one of those paradoxes that makes perfect sense when you consider it for a moment. Take a minute and see if you can see how selfishness can be a very healthy, and even kind thing to practice.
Long story short, you have to take care of yourself if you want to care for others. In most jobs, if you don’t take care of yourself, you ... Continue Reading →
You probably remember the ‘summertime blues’ from your school days. While most people are aware of the holiday blues, it doesn’t seem to be as normalized. Yet they seem to be far worse for many. There are reasons for this, and in many cases, they compound each other. But there is a way to counter this . . . but first, we need to identify the potential issues (Some solutions are further down in the post, I promise).
You’re strolling through ... Continue Reading →
Balancing the anger and sadness of an unfair loss can feel impossible, especially in the beginning. First, breathe and understand that this will pass even though it does not feel like it. Before going any further, if you are unsure, please get in touch so we can spend a few minutes on the phone to help get you back on track.
While it feels like no loss is ever “fair,” I think we can all agree that when a 99-year-old ... Continue Reading →
Time time time, they say it’s everything. It can be the trap, and it can be the key to getting you out of the trap.
You come home from a long day at work, and immediately you are showered with questions, “When’s dinner?” “When are we going to plan that holiday?” “Can you help me with my homework?”
All you can think is, “If I only had 15 minutes to slow down and settle in. . .” And there it is, the ... Continue Reading →
Counseling helps you be more “real.” This means that you become more aware of your strengths and your weaknesses. The more real you are, the more self-aware you can be. This sets the stage for lasting change.
Because many of the dynamics that cause our suffering are related to our own issues that are sitting in our blind spot, people often wonder how counseling can help them if they aren’t even sure what’s “wrong.” Part of the ... Continue Reading →
When tragedy strikes, it is rarely expected or planned for. Usually,
it comes in the form of unexpected trauma ranging from natural disasters
such as tornadoes and hurricanes to the unfathomable tragedies of 9-11
terrorism. As human beings, we are equipped to handle these tragedies,
but we must understand that part of what tells us we need help is
intense, and often shocking, distress that follows. If not addressed,
these symptoms (often referred to as Critical Incident Stress or Post
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Self-worth has nothing to do with your financial or material worth.
When you value yourself based on your possessions, you’re disowning your most important self in exchange for your belongings. Having lots of money and/or lots of valuable things is fine; it’s mixing up your sense of worth with those valuables that become problematic.
A more accurate translation of the saying, “Money is the root of all evil” is, “Attachment to material goods is the root of all suffering” or even more ... Continue Reading →
We’ve all been there: We had a rotten day and we were at the end of our rope. And when a loved one asks us for an innocent favor, we snap at them only to feel terrible later when we cool off and realize they were not trying to take us for granted. It’s that sinking feeling that is often accompanied by embarrassment . . . regret or guilt. They are closely related.
Words like guilt and blame tend to imply ... Continue Reading →
Take a close look at the picture above. You’ll notice that this tree was chopped down, only to “bounce back” by re-sprouting new leaves! This tree cannot be kept down. It is the model of Resiliency.
Why can some people smile through failure? Come through heartbreak stronger than ever? How can I do that? CAN I do that?? Yes, you can. It is a teachable skill . . . a habit to be practiced. We’ve all seen this person . . ... Continue Reading →
Power and weakness are probably not what you think, so let’s look deeper into them. Using Mindfulness based techniques we explore the meaning of power as it relates to your authentic self. This means that you make confident decisions, you ask for help without feeling weak, and show confidence in anxiety provoking situations like a board room or a first date.
I am not referring to the ego based Power Monger mentality here. Power in its healthy state is about ... Continue Reading →
When letting go really hurts it can be extremely difficult to release the attachment fully. Whether it’s letting go of an unhealthy relationship, or letting go of a bad habit, the letting go can seem easier said than done. Very often, this is because we put ourselves in illusory boxes that seem to only have narrow escapes. To succeed in letting go, we need to change our thoughts and cultivate patience and persistence. And to change our thoughts, we need ... Continue Reading →
Discomfort wants you to feel better. But when it comes to not getting things done, we can be extremely creative about feeling good about it. Does this sound familiar, “To be at my most productive, I need some down time, so I’ll just sleep in. . .”?
When you are living life out-of-balance, your mind and/or body begins to tell you with discomfort of one type or another (sickness, soreness, panic attacks, anxiety, etc). Remember, if you ignore an imbalance, you ... Continue Reading →
Practice matters a great deal when we talk about mastery of anything. The more you practice, the more proficient you become . . . this is true of skills like playing music, and personality traits like optimism and courage! Of course, a mindfulness practice is a central component of success in any type of practice.
For most folks, really living life will involve some sort of ‘practice.’ I’m not just talking about the repeat-the-behavior-over-and-over type of practice where you get ... Continue Reading →
- Trouble falling asleep? or staying asleep?
- Do you wake up throughout the night?
- Is your mind racing too fast to sleep?
- Have your sleepless nights impacted you job? Family? Friendships?
Laying awake at night can be infuriating. It can keep you fuming about what happened today, and worrying about what may, or may not, happen tomorrow.
We’ve all been there . . . you get up in the morning, startled by the alarm; you had finally fallen asleep when it started screaming at you! Grumbling ... Continue Reading →
- Do you feel stress and fatigue most of the time? Or do you feel “frazzled” most of the time?
- Are you more forgetful than usual? More irritable than you would like to be?
- Are you having stomach problems or headaches? Does your back and/or shoulders feel tense?
- Do you have trouble falling asleep; or waking up during the night? Are you having very bizarre dreams?
You’re buried under paperwork, are behind on bills, and your car won’t start. Murphy’s law: Anything that can go ... Continue Reading →
Self-love is not selfish!
- Struggling with feelings of worthlessness? Like you just don’t matter to anybody, including yourself?
- Noticing that you have been more negative in how you experience others?
- Feeling less empowered? Almost as if there isn’t enough of ‘you’ to go around?
- Are you feeling depressed and/or anxious?
Along with optimism, self-esteem can be practiced and improved. Moving towards what we do want, instead of only away from what we don’t, we can see how the brain wants us to go ... Continue Reading →
- Do you feel sad most of the time?
- Are you having head and body aches? Sick more often than usual?
- Do you feel like you’ve lost interest in things you used to enjoy?
- Do your emotions feel “blunted?”
- Has your life begun to feel like an ordeal instead of an adventure?
- Have you been isolating yourself? Not really participating in life?
- Do you feel like you need drugs and/or alcohol to have fun?
Depression has been described as a dark cloud that just doesn’t go away. It ... Continue Reading →
- Feeling depressed because of a recent loss (of life or of a relationship)?
- Does your grief feel unmanageable or like it will never go away?
- Are you pulling away from people that are trying to help?
- Do you feel like you are living in a dream that you cannot wake up from?
- Are you concerned about your child or children’s grief? Do you have parenting questions about grief?
Grief isn’t just about healing from a loss through death. We also grieve ... Continue Reading →
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- Feeling anxious or nervous when it doesn’t make sense? Have butterflies in your stomach?
- Does this anxiety get in the way of living life to the fullest?
- Do you avoid social situations because you’re not sure how to act?
- Have you passed over professional opportunities because of fear of the unknown?
- Do you get lost in thoughts of “what if . . . ?”
- Dry mouth, pounding heart, out of breath? Perhaps feel your throat closing? Right before, or even during, an important presentation, interview, ...
The written word can heal. If you’ve every written in a journal and found it helpful, then you’ve experienced the benefit of Cathartic Writing. A catharsis can be thought of as a healthy emotional release that helps you to heal from some kind of pain. It can be grief, trauma, fear, or any uncomfortable emotion. In this article you will find an emotional letter from a dog to his human; it’s a masterful example of how words can heal even ... Continue Reading →