7 Signs That You’re a People Pleaser

Being kind and helpful is a great quality, but sometimes it can go too far. If you often find yourself putting others’ needs before your own to the point of stress, burnout, or even compassion fatigue, you might be a people pleaser. Here are seven signs to help you identify if you’re a people pleaser and what you can do about it.

1. You Struggle to Say No

One of the most common signs of people-pleasing is difficulty saying “no.” You agree to do things even when you’re already overwhelmed or uninterested. This can lead to taking on too much and feeling exhausted.

2. You Seek Approval Constantly

People pleasers often look for validation from others. You might base your self-worth on how others perceive you and feel anxious if you think someone is upset with you.

3. You Avoid Conflict

To keep the peace, you might avoid confrontations at all costs. This can mean agreeing with things you don’t actually believe in or staying silent when you should speak up.

4. You Feel Guilty When You Put Yourself First

If you feel guilty for taking time for yourself or prioritizing your needs, this is a sign of people-pleasing. It’s important to remember that self-care is not selfish.

5. You Take on Others’ Responsibilities

You might find yourself doing things for others that they can do themselves. While helping occasionally is fine, consistently taking on others’ tasks can be a problem.

6. You Often Feel Overwhelmed and Stressed

People pleasers tend to overcommit, leading to constant stress and feeling overwhelmed. If you’re always busy and rarely have time for yourself, it might be time to re-evaluate your commitments.

7. You Fear Rejection

The fear of being disliked or rejected can drive people-pleasing behavior. You might go out of your way to make others happy, even if it means sacrificing your own happiness.

Why People Become People Pleasers

Understanding why you might be a people pleaser can help you address the behavior. Here are a few common reasons:

• Childhood Experiences: Growing up in an environment where approval was conditional might make you seek validation from others.
• Low Self-Esteem: If you don’t value yourself highly, you might try to earn others’ approval to feel better about yourself.
• Desire for Control: Pleasing others can sometimes feel like a way to control your environment and keep things calm.

How to Stop People Pleasing

If you recognize these signs in yourself, don’t worry. Here are some steps you can take to stop people-pleasing:

1. Set Boundaries: Learn to say no and set limits on what you’re willing to do for others.
2. Prioritize Self-Care: Make time for activities that recharge you and focus on your own needs.
3. Seek Support: Talk to a counselor or trusted friend about your people-pleasing tendencies. They can offer support and guidance.
4. Practice Self-Compassion: Be kind to yourself and remember that it’s okay to put yourself first sometimes.
5. Challenge Negative Thoughts: When you feel guilty for saying no or putting yourself first, remind yourself that you deserve to take care of yourself.

Conclusion

Being a people pleaser can lead to stress, burnout, compassion fatigue and ultimately resentment. By recognizing the signs and taking steps to prioritize your own needs, you can create a healthier balance in your life. Remember, it’s okay to help others, but not at the expense of your own well-being.

Final Thoughts

If you’re struggling with people-pleasing and finding it hard to make changes on your own, please schedule an appointment. We’re here to help you develop healthy boundaries and improve your self-esteem. Taking care of yourself is the first step toward a happier, more balanced life.

Learn more about how we can help you Navigate Life Challenges.

Jonathan F. Anderson, LPC-s has worked in the helping profession since he started college in 1990. After completing his Bachelor’s degree at the University of Texas, Austin in 1994, he attended the highly-regarded University of Minnesota to earn his Master’s degree in 1997. He is a Licensed Professional Counselor and is recognized as a Board Approved Supervisor by the State of Texas Board of Examiners of Professional Counselors. Jonathan has completed Level 2 of the Gottman Method of Couples Counseling, and in 1998 received training from the International Critical Incident Stress Foundation in Advanced Critical Incident Stress Management & Debriefing. To learn more about Jonathan’s practice, click here: Jonathan F. Anderson, LPC-s.