Enhancing Relationships: The power of being listenable

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Being listenable helps you be heard

Effective communication is the cornerstone of any successful relationship, and mastering the art of speaking in a way that is easy for others to hear is particularly crucial in potentially difficult conversations that involve conflict. By developing the skills to convey your thoughts and feelings clearly and respectfully, you can navigate challenging discussions with grace and enhance the overall quality of your relationships. In this article, we will explore strategies for improving your speaking abilities in difficult conversations, facilitating understanding, and fostering resolution. Of course, listening well helps the other person hear you since they are less likely to be thinking about how to convince you to hear their side; in other words, if they know you understand them, they have more bandwidth to really hear you.

  1. Cultivate Self-Awareness:

Before engaging in a difficult conversation, take a moment to reflect on your own emotions, triggers, and biases. Self-awareness allows you to approach the conversation with a clear mind and manage your emotions effectively. Understanding your communication style and how it may impact others empowers you to adapt your approach and ensure that your message is received more effectively.

  1. Choose the Right Timing and Environment:

Timing and environment play a significant role in how a conversation unfolds. Pick a time when both parties can dedicate their full attention to the discussion. Find a neutral and comfortable setting where privacy is ensured, minimizing distractions that could impede effective communication. Creating a safe and conducive space sets the stage for open dialogue and enhances the chances of a productive outcome.

  1. Use “I” Statements and Express Empathy:

When expressing your thoughts and concerns, frame your statements using “I” instead of “you” to avoid sounding accusatory or confrontational. This approach takes ownership of your emotions and experiences, making it easier for the other person to hear and understand your perspective. Additionally, demonstrate empathy by acknowledging their feelings and showing genuine understanding of their point of view. This helps create a supportive atmosphere and encourages reciprocity in the conversation.

  1. Practice Active Listening:

Effective communication involves not only speaking but also actively listening. As you express your thoughts, periodically check in with the other person to ensure they understand your message. Encourage them to share their thoughts and actively listen to their responses without interruption. By demonstrating that you value their input, you create an atmosphere of respect and mutual understanding, fostering a more constructive dialogue.

  1. Use Clear and Concise Language:

Clarity is key when engaging in difficult conversations. Be mindful of the words you choose and aim for simplicity and brevity. Avoid ambiguous or vague language that may lead to misunderstandings. Instead, express your thoughts in a direct and concise manner, providing specific examples when necessary. Clear communication helps reduce confusion and ensures that your message is received accurately.

  1. Focus on Solutions, not Blame:

Shifting the focus from blame to solutions is essential in resolving conflicts. Instead of dwelling on past events or assigning fault, concentrate on finding mutually beneficial resolutions. Explore possible alternatives together, actively involving the other person in problem-solving. By emphasizing a collaborative approach, you create an atmosphere of teamwork and increase the likelihood of reaching a satisfactory outcome.

  1. Maintain Composure and Emotional Regulation:

In potentially difficult conversations, emotions may run high. It is crucial to maintain composure and regulate your emotions effectively. Stay calm and collected, and avoid becoming defensive or confrontational. Take deep breaths, pause if necessary, and return to the conversation when you feel more composed. By modeling emotional regulation, you set a positive example and create a conducive environment for productive dialogue. Remember to actively listen to the other person’s concerns and validate their emotions, even if you disagree. Responding with empathy and understanding fosters an atmosphere of respect and promotes a more constructive exchange of ideas.


Improving your speaking skills in difficult conversations is a valuable investment in building stronger relationships. By cultivating self-awareness, using “I” statements, practicing active listening, and maintaining composure, you can navigate potentially challenging discussions with greater ease. Remember, effective communication is a two-way street that requires patience, empathy, and a willingness to find common ground. By implementing these strategies, you can foster understanding, resolve conflicts, and strengthen your relationships in the face of adversity.

*updated July 10, 2023

To learn more about red flags to look out for and how to fix them, please visit my Couples Counseling page.

Jonathan F. Anderson, LPC-s has worked in the helping profession since he started college in 1990. After completing his Bachelor’s degree at the University of Texas, Austin in 1994, he attended the highly-regarded University of Minnesota to earn his Master’s degree in 1997. He is a Licensed Professional Counselor and is recognized as a Board Approved Supervisor by the State of Texas Board of Examiners of Professional Counselors. Jonathan has completed Level-2 of the Gottman Method of Couples Counseling, and in 1998 received training from the International Critical Incident Stress Foundation in Advanced Critical Incident Stress Management & Debriefing. To learn more about Jonathan’s practice, click here: Jonathan F. Anderson, LPC-s.

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