Borrowing Responsibility: When Helping Hurts

Taking on responsibilities can be a great thing. It shows you’re dependable, caring, and willing to help others. But what happens when you “borrow” too much responsibility that isn’t yours to deal with? This can lead to unhealthy situations where you’re overwhelmed and others aren’t learning to stand on their own. Let’s dive into why people might do this and how to find a healthy balance.

Why Do People Borrow Responsibility?

1. People-Pleasing: Some people want to make everyone around them happy. They might say “yes” to everything to avoid conflict or disappointment. While it’s nice to be agreeable, it can lead to taking on too much.
2. Co-Dependency: This happens when someone relies too much on another person for their own sense of identity or self-worth. They might take on all responsibilities to keep the other person close or feel needed.
3. Fear of Conflict: Avoiding arguments or disagreements can push someone to take on extra tasks just to keep the peace.
4. Perfectionism: The belief that “if you want something done right, do it yourself” can lead to an overload of responsibilities.

When Is It Healthy to Help?

Helping others isn’t always a bad thing. In fact, it’s a wonderful part of human nature. Here are times when taking on responsibility for others is healthy:

1. When Someone Is Sick: If a friend or family member is ill, stepping in to help with their tasks can be incredibly supportive.
2. Occasional Favors: Doing a favor once in a while is normal and can strengthen relationships.
3. Teaching Moments: Helping someone learn a new skill or understand a task can be very beneficial for their growth.
4. As a way to uplift yourself: This means when you do something like volunteer work, but NOT from a place of stressful obligation to win favor or acceptance from others.

Finding the Balance

So, how can you find a balance between helping and overloading yourself?

1. Set Boundaries: Learn to say “no” when necessary. It’s okay to prioritize your own well-being.
2. Encourage Independence: Instead of doing everything for others, teach them how to do things themselves. This helps them grow and become more self-sufficient.
3. Communicate Openly: Have honest conversations with those around you about what you can and cannot handle. Clear communication prevents misunderstandings and resentment.
4. Self-Care: Always make time for yourself. Remember, you can’t pour from an empty cup. Taking care of your own needs is crucial.

Conclusion

Borrowing responsibility can sometimes feel like the right thing to do, but it’s important to recognize when it becomes unhealthy. By understanding why you might take on too much and knowing when it’s okay to help, you can maintain a healthier balance. Remember, it’s perfectly fine to care for others, but don’t forget to care for yourself too.

Final Thoughts

If you find yourself constantly overwhelmed by taking on too much, consider speaking to a counselor. We can help you develop strategies to set boundaries and maintain healthy relationships. Remember, it’s not just about being there for others, but also being there for yourself. Self-love is not selfish.

Learn more about Stress Management Counseling in Austin.

Jonathan F. Anderson, LPC-s has worked in the helping profession since he started college in 1990. After completing his Bachelor’s degree at the University of Texas, Austin in 1994, he attended the highly-regarded University of Minnesota to earn his Master’s degree in 1997. He is a Licensed Professional Counselor and is recognized as a Board Approved Supervisor by the State of Texas Board of Examiners of Professional Counselors. Jonathan has completed Level 2 of the Gottman Method of Couples Counseling, and in 1998 received training from the International Critical Incident Stress Foundation in Advanced Critical Incident Stress Management & Debriefing. To learn more about Jonathan’s practice, click here: Jonathan F. Anderson, LPC-s.