Therapy Blog

Extracting Rejection

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Similar to Anticipatory Rejection, which happens before a situation occurs, one ‘extracts’ rejection after a something has already happened, and where the facts would show overt approval or acceptance. Usually, if there actually is rejection, mindfulness-based counseling will help you learn to not take it personally as the rejection is more about the other person’s tastes than about who you are.

I often use a food example to depersonalize this a bit: Think of a food you really dislike. Now, is there anything actually wrong with the food, or do your preferences just not include its flavor? If there is something wrong with the food, then nobody would like it, therefore, your dislike of any particular food is a function of your preferences, not a function of the food itself. So, if you’re an apple, and a person rejects apples, then the rejection is a reflection of their tastes, not a reflection about apples.

This concept is absolutely critical to understand. Re-read those last 2 paragraphs if it seems odd; it is a challenging concept to integrate as it may go against some long-held beliefs.

 

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