Boundaries

Boundaries: Tips For Building Healthy Relationships at School, Work, and Beyond

Boundaries help maintain balance, protect well-being, and ensure respectful interactions with others. Whether in school, at work, or in personal relationships, clear boundaries allow us to communicate our needs and limits effectively. While boundaries are important at any age, they are especially challenging to establish and maintain for young adults, particularly those transitioning into independent lives. In this article, we’ll explore 5 essential skills for setting boundaries in different situations, with specific guidance for both younger adults (ages 18-25) and those 25 and older.

What Are Boundaries and Why Do We Need Them?

Boundaries are the limits we set with others to communicate what we are comfortable with and what we’re not. They serve as personal and professional guidelines that help us prioritize our well-being and prevent stress, burnout, and resentment. Without clear boundaries, we can easily feel overwhelmed, taken advantage of, or experience difficulties in maintaining our own identity. Healthy boundaries encourage mutual respect and make it easier to build strong, respectful relationships.

Setting Boundaries in School: Ages 18-25

For many young adults in this age range, college is a time of significant change and learning. It’s easy to get caught up in the demands of academics, social life, and sometimes even work. However, without clear boundaries, burnout and frustration can follow quickly. From there, grades and work performance can suffer. Personal relationships can become strained as needs and limits go unexpressed. This often leads to misunderstandings, unmet expectations, and eventually conflict and resentment. College sophomores often begin to experience burnout as these tensions mount, both academically and personally.

• Academic Boundaries: Learn to say no to excessive study group commitments, especially if they interfere with personal study time or rest & recreation time. Communicate respectfully with professors and peers about workload concerns and establish a balanced schedule that prioritizes both academics and self-care.
  • REMEMBER! Your professors are not responsible for your boundaries, and they may not alter how they assign work or tests. It is important that you know how to adapt to situations even if they feel unfair. Leverage tutors, teaching assistants (TA’s) and students who have taken the class already to help you meet the expectations of the professor.
• Social Boundaries: While building friendships is a huge part of the college experience, it’s essential to listen to your comfort level. If social events or certain friendships start to feel exhausting or distracting, practice saying no without feeling guilty. Let your friends know when you need time to recharge.
  • REMEMBER! Peer pressure continues in college. You do not have to succumb to it. Quite often, peers are just ribbing you a little . . . laugh with them a little, then reassert the boundary. If they do not respect the boundary, then you may simply choose to hang out with them a bit less frequently, or only when other friends are present to diffuse things a bit.
• Work Boundaries: For students working part-time, it’s essential to set boundaries with employers. Communicate your availability and limit work hours to avoid compromising academic responsibilities. If your workload or hours increase, be open with your employer about balancing school and work demands. Most employers who hire college students understand the rigors of college and are happy to tweak your schedule accordingly.

Setting Boundaries at Work: Ages 25+

For adults who are further into their careers, boundaries can become blurred due to increased responsibility and professional ambitions. Learning to set limits with colleagues and supervisors can lead to healthier professional relationships and a sustainable work-life balance.

• Workload Boundaries: Clearly define your role and responsibilities to prevent others from overstepping. When asked to take on additional tasks, assess your current workload and communicate your capacity. Avoid taking on tasks that stretch your limits if it compromises your performance or mental health. If you are hoping to climb the ladder, then learning how to perform at the next level will involve adapting to the increased demands of the job. While you may not get a raise and promotion while you are proving yourself worthy of the promotion, once you achieve the promotion, be sure you negotiate a fair raise in salary. Remember, we train people how to treat us and what to expect from us. If you offer to do more work for free, many organizations will gladly take you up on that!
• Work-Life Balance: Set firm boundaries around work hours. Avoid answering work-related emails or messages outside your designated hours, as this can prevent burnout. Communicate with your supervisor about your availability and prioritize tasks to avoid unnecessary overtime.
  • REMEMBER! Some companies are clear that they expect availability outside of normal operating hours. This should be spelled out in advance. Of course, sometimes emergencies happen and you may be called upon to step up a bit extra at work. Leaning in to this trains your bosses and colleagues that you can be counted on to be a great team player and leader, but be sure that you are listening to your intuition; while we all need to take on additional stress, even sometimes at an unhealthy level, it is critical to remember that you will need to recover and charge your batteries back up.
• Interpersonal Boundaries: Establish respectful limits in social interactions at work. Avoid engaging in office gossip and set boundaries with colleagues who may want to vent excessively or bring negativity into the workspace. Maintain a professional demeanor while being mindful of personal space and time.
  • REMEMBER! Who you associate with is part of how we train people about what to expect from us. While being professionally courteous to a work associate who gossips or complains too much is fine, be sure that you are not enabling the negative behavior, or engaging in it yourself. This is especially important when you are stressed-out yourself. Be mindful!

Common Challenges When Setting Boundaries

Setting boundaries can feel uncomfortable at first, especially when it involves saying no or asserting your needs. Many people fear disappointing others or being perceived as uncooperative. However, it’s important to remember that boundaries are not about pushing others away; they’re about creating respectful and sustainable connections. Effective boundaries train people to trust you because they know you will not take on more than is healthy, and that you will ask for help when overwhelmed.

• Fear of Rejection: Practice viewing boundaries as a way to protect your energy rather than something that alienates others. Reframe saying no as an act of self-respect.
• Difficulty with Assertiveness: It’s normal to feel hesitant when establishing boundaries. Begin with small, clear statements, like “I’m unavailable during those hours” or “I need some time to myself.” With practice, setting boundaries will feel more natural.

How Counseling Can Help

Counseling provides a safe space to explore your personal boundaries and develop the skills necessary for setting them confidently. A therapist can help you understand your needs and values, which are fundamental to establishing boundaries that feel authentic. At Gate Healing PLLC, we use insight-oriented, cognitive behavioral, and mindfulness-based techniques to help you explore, set, and maintain boundaries that respect both your well-being and your relationships.

Self-Help Tips for Practicing Boundary-Setting

• Start Small: Begin by setting boundaries in low-stakes situations, such as scheduling alone time or politely declining extra work tasks.
  • REMEMBER! When you say no to a work task, it is sometimes helpful to suggest somebody who might be able to help out. Be sure you know who is ok with being on this list though.
• Communicate Clearly: When setting a boundary, be direct and avoid over-explaining. Clear communication often leads to more respectful interactions.
• Practice Self-Compassion: Setting boundaries may be challenging, especially if you’re used to accommodating others. Remind yourself that boundaries are healthy and necessary and help people trust your judgement.

Setting boundaries is an empowering process that fosters growth, respect, and healthier relationships. While it can feel challenging, especially when facing resistance, remember that boundaries are about protecting your peace and building sustainable connections. With practice and support, anyone can develop the confidence to set boundaries that work for them.

Learn more about Mindfulness-based Counseling in Austin.

Jonathan F. Anderson, LPC-s has worked in the helping profession since he started college in 1990. After completing his Bachelor’s degree at the University of Texas, Austin in 1994, he attended the highly-regarded University of Minnesota to earn his Master’s degree in 1997. He is a Licensed Professional Counselor and is recognized as a Board Approved Supervisor by the State of Texas Board of Examiners of Professional Counselors. Jonathan has completed Level 2 of the Gottman Method of Couples Counseling, and in 1998 received training from the International Critical Incident Stress Foundation in Advanced Critical Incident Stress Management & Debriefing. To learn more about Jonathan’s practice, click here.