Healthy Political Discussions

After a contentious election season, social media threads often engage in political confirmation bias. Tempers flare, insults are hurled, and anticipatory defensiveness likely contributes to people taking things personally.

Can’t We All Just Get Along?

Yes, we can get along. We create tension to motivate others to change their perspectives. Arguments are generally healthy as “pressure vents” and ways to learn about each other’s boundaries. Typically, we lash out at those we trust the most: friends, family, and significant others. They know our buttons better than anyone, and we feel freer to let our shadow personalities have a voice around them. However, self-righteousness can quickly descend into judging and shaming, which genuinely hurts feelings and can be considered passive-aggressive bullying disguised as “venting,” “joking,” or “expressing 1st amendment rights.” These labels may be technically correct, but no one is fooled, and this is part of why feelings get hurt.

Dealing with Our Own Defensiveness

When we practice mindfulness, we notice that our defenses often protect our ego. Just because a friend has a different opinion and tries to change yours doesn’t mean you have to change it. Using effective communication skills to ensure both parties know it’s a friendly debate or exchange of ideas, rather than a personal attack, helps keep things civil. It’s the criticism of a person’s character that damages relationships, so focus on the ideas, not the person who holds them.

How to Have a Healthy Debate

Mindfulness helps you notice when you move from a relaxed debate to defensiveness, and from defensiveness to argumentativeness. The sooner you feel yourself shifting from green light to yellow light, the sooner you can redirect the conversation. Here are a few tools to accomplish this:

• Seek to understand before being understood – Great advice from Covey. Showing understanding does not mean agreement. Being open to understanding the other person’s perspective makes them more likely to return the favor.
• Find common ground – Both of you likely want the same thing: a better place to live. Remind yourselves of this and see if you can expand your perspectives.
• Agree to disagree – Your relationship is more important than your differences, and both of you have the right to feel and believe what you do.
• Change the subject – Sometimes, gracefully changing the subject allows both parties to maintain their beliefs without continuing to defend them.
• Respectfully say how you feel – The other person may not know they are hurting your feelings. Calmly letting them know you’re uncomfortable with the conversation may soften their tone and even prompt an apology. It’s always worth a shot, and you always have the right to say how you feel!
• Give the benefit of the doubt – This can be tough when entrenched in your perspective, but offering the benefit of the doubt shows you respect the other person more than you want to fight with them.
• Take a break – A well-timed bathroom break can work wonders, giving both people a chance to reconsider their words and providing a natural break for a subject change.

We can only control our own side of things, so we should keep our defensiveness in check and avoid criticism, judging, and shaming. Other red-flag behaviors to avoid are:

• Exclusive language – Words like “always,” “never,” and “all” lump people into unfair categories that elicit defensiveness.
• Propagating “false news” – Many news stories turn out to be untrue, and offensive pictures are often photoshopped to rile up the masses.
• Confirmation bias – Selectively paying attention to data that only supports your perspective while ignoring contrary facts.
• TYPING IN ALL CAPS – This is implied to be shouting. Emphasize with bold font, italic font, underlining, or putting *an asterisk* on either side of a word.
• Name calling – Calling people names is hurtful, including classifying them into derogatory political groups.
• Being passive-aggressive – It’s obvious when you use a joke as an attack on a group of people. Self-righteousness can be tempting, but when weaponized as a way to look down on people, it becomes part of the problem, not the solution.

Staying Civil During Election Season

Every election cycle brings a surge of strong opinions and heightened emotions. Whether the divide falls along Republican and Democrat lines, conservative and liberal values, or somewhere in between, political discussions can escalate quickly. Political tensions can strain friendships, family dinners, and workplace relationships. Here are some strategies to maintain civility when the stakes feel high:

• Avoid engaging in political arguments – Choose your battles wisely and avoid unnecessary conflicts. If a conversation is escalating, it’s often best to step away.
• Stay informed – Educate yourself on the issues but know when to step back for your mental health. Avoid spreading misinformation that can inflame tensions.
• Promote peaceful dialogue – Encourage respectful discussions and avoid inflammatory language. Use your communication skills to de-escalate potential conflicts.
• Seek support – Reach out to friends, family, or mental health professionals if you’re feeling overwhelmed by the political climate. Having a support system can help you navigate challenging conversations.
• Report threats of violence – If you encounter threats of violence, report them to the appropriate authorities. It’s important to take such threats seriously and ensure the safety of everyone involved.

In the End, We Are More Similar Than Different

Once the dust settles, friendships will recover from hurt feelings, marriages will rebound from conflict, and the workplace will return to running smoothly. We all care deeply about the society we live in, and because elections directly impact this society, we have strong feelings about them. Remember to practice gratitude, compassion, and optimism to help restore the balance of our common ground.